Hatred
by Kilarra
Summary: You know about Duskmon, the monster made from my brother's pain and hatred. What you don't know is as far as Duskmon's creation goes, I'm just as guilty as Kouichi. What you don't know is that I knew he was my twin long before he told me. Let me explain.
1. Suspicion

**Author's Note: Hey! Long time since I had a one-shot for Digimon, so I thought I'd finish it up and just post it. Sorry about the length, it just sort of kept going. I've been working on this for, like, months, so it'll probably be like a history essay: pretty good or really bad. Defiantly more mature than "Lullaby". I don't know; let's let you dudes read and be the critics, k? I'm on board with that. Let's do this!**

**Disclaimer: This is an artistic mixture of my own ideas with the plot and characters of Digimon Frontier. As such, only the things that aren't in the show came from my head, but I'm not making any kind of profit, so does it matter? What I'm trying to do is not claim any credit for copyrighted material... and have a new and interesting disclaimer. Did it work?

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Hey. My name's Minamoto Kouji; you know, the kid with the long hair, antisocial attitude, and the psychotic twin brother? Yeah, that Kouji. I'm sorry if I don't come off as polite in any way, but I just don't think it's important. We put so much emphasis on the little ceremonies of life and by the time you've finished getting a conversation going it's over. Not that I needed to converse very often before I went to the Digital World. My father always wanted to show off his "only" son at business parties and the like, but my ill-mannered nature got me labeled too young for ten years. Then I grew up and my father could no longer hide me in the back room and not face the prying curiosity of his coworkers. So I was brought out and paraded around like a fine work of art, making civil small talk most of the time, engaging in witty remarks that brought out peals of hollow laughter, showing off my intellect and my father's wonderful family skills whenever possible. So, as you can imagine, I got enough of the polite chit-chat at home; I still do. It drives Dad absolutely up the wall when the pretense evaporates as soon as the last guest has left after every little 'get together', but what kind of son would I be if I didn't annoy my parents? Besides, now I've got Kouichi. It embarrasses him beyond all cuteness (If you have a sibling, you understand. Sometimes, no matter what they're doing, they'll get expressions on their faces that are just flat out adorable) whenever I say something improper, but he always managed to talk our way back into good graces... and he never gets angry with me.

Kouichi rarely gets angry at anything, actually, even when he has every right to be. He's one of those kids who just sits down and takes whatever is being dished out to him. Where I'm on my feet ready to show someone what years of kendo training can do, he just stays quiet, eyes downcast, apologizing. I swear that boy will apologize for anything.

'I burned the cookies!'

'I'm sorry.'

'I stubbed my toe!'

'I'm sorry.'

'Kouichi, I've got a lot of work to do, can you come back in an hour?'

'I'm sorry.'

'It's freezing!'

'I'm sorry.'

Anything, any notion of displeasure from anyone else and he feels like he has to make up for it somehow. I know it's more of an 'I'm sorry you're not happy' type of thing, but still, not all lack of joy in the world is his fault. I really wish he could see that, and I sometimes wish he would let out his frustration before it burst. Because forget Hell and forget a woman's scorn, when Kouichi snaps the whole world freezes over. And it's not like he has any control either. He's just mad and that can be directed any which way. That scares him more than anything else, I think. When he loses it, he's little more than animal; an unstoppable weapon who's destructive capabilities can be pointed anywhere for any purpose as long as one knows the right words. You know what I'm talking about, and more importantly, he knows.

He remembers everything that happened in the Digital World, everything he saw, everything he said, everything he did. Kouichi will say differently, maybe he's even convinced himself differently, but he's a really good liar. Just not to me. The truth is that I can see Cherubimon whispering in his ear during the hard times, Duskmon lurking in his eyes when someone goes a little too far. Now I'm here, I can help him through; but before he had someone to talk to, before he had someone he could trust without scaring, I don't know what he did. If you look at him as a kid stuck watching his mother fight everyday against a world that's trying to kill her and starve her son combined with the normal pre-teen angst and the stress of not being financially well off while knowing that he was denied the best life imaginable simply because he was on the right instead of the left when our father grabbed his pick, well, it's easy to see where Duskmon came from.

Kouichi says he recognizes that, smiles politely when I bring it up, but I know he's actually struggling with it. He is darkness, it's his nature to deceive as much as it is mine to reveal. Neither of these is a good thing or a bad thing, trust me there's stuff in this world I wish Kouichi could shadow out of existence. They just are. Like us. So I can't help trying to force truth on him and Kouichi... How do you admit to wanting to destroy your own brother? And he did. He hated me. He feels so guilty about that. Understandably so, it is an awful thing to want; more than that, it's a sin. We both know that and I wish to whatever politically correct power there is that we didn't. That guilt is always there, that sin ever lurking between us, plain as day. Every time he looks at me, every time he does something for me, it's just another one of his apologies. I wish I could just be his brother instead of someone he'd tried to kill, if only for a day. Then again, I've always believed that you can't help the way you feel. If I don't hold his hatred against him, then what right did I have to be embittered by his guilt?

Sorry, I'm not usually this talkative. I do have a point. The fact of the matter is that there are things I keep from my brother. He's not the only one with secrets, about Duskmon I mean. Everything else is free game; we share everything else except for things related to the Digital World. Kouichi feels awkward discussing those events; after all, what would he say? 'That sounds like it was fun. I was being brainwashed by an evil mastermind at the time, but if I had had an ounce of free will and not hated you beyond all reason I would have loved to have been there.' Woo-hoo! Yeah, no. There are things he'd rather not tell us, and things he'd rather not hear. To be perfectly clear, Kouichi would like to think that finding out that he was Duskmon was a quick slap in the face that he was able to make better, and for the others that's exactly what it was. For me, things were a little different. It's almost funny, Kouichi has easily accepted this twin ESP thing ever since I confronted him on those little chunks of moon in the Digital World, accepted that we are connected somehow. Quite frankly it was that connection that pulled him from the corruption. He sensed me as Duskmon and "followed my light," as he says it. Ironically, the concept that this might have gone both ways has yet to occur to him as a plausible option.

Here's the truth, uncensored, plain and simple. I followed his darkness as much as he followed my light, though I didn't know that's what it was at the time. I knew Duskmon was my brother from the moment I first saw him, and I can't tell you how frustrating it was to have that little bit of information floating just above conscious thought, how depressing it was each time he hit me, how painful it was to watch Kouichi fight for existence inside the Digimon. Bet you didn't think of that. There are a lot of things about Duskmon that were never said, that should never be said. But I'm tired of biting my tongue every time it comes up. I'm not accustomed to hiding anything, even when the thing _is _one of those things that shouldn't be revealed. So here you go, I'm just going to say it. My side of the story, the things you didn't see.

Of course, things started when I got on that Trailmon. Yes, I know that's how all the stories start, just bare with me. I got on as a kid looking for his destiny, like all the others, and got off in the Digital World on a mission. It's hard to describe, but the second the text came, the call to become 'Digidestined' and save the Digital World (I hate how that sounds), I began to feel anxious, agitated. A knot twisted in my stomach and I don't think I've ever been that tense. My muscles burned when I ran from the flower shop, but ached even more as I stood still on the train to Shibuya. And all the while there was a sense of panic, like I was missing something... something important. It's kind of ironic; I felt so driven to get to wherever it was I was going to meet my brother when he was in the car next to me, just outside of the elevator doors, the whole time (I hate that too). The second I got off and Ophanimon told me that everything would be made clear, as if that was supposed to settle things; I knew I was there for a reason. I was looking for something. Something important. It was my intent to do this on my own, but things didn't quite work out and I got sucked in to the group. Despite my best efforts, they wouldn't just let me do my thing alone, and what with the evil Legendary Warriors out to get our Spirits, those things we used to turn into our own 'Legendary Warriors of Justice', and there was safety in numbers. I never told them about my search and they never guessed, though there were times when I started to think I was just a part of the group, that I wasn't there for something more. Not to sound big-headed, but the others were just there to save the Digital World. It seemed a little farfetched, as the truth usually does, to think I had a greater purpose. OK, not necessarily greater, just different. Throughout all the battles and traveling, I always knew there was something waiting for me. Kouichi thought I didn't want to have anything to do with him. The reality was I wanted to find him as badly as he wanted to find me. Maybe if he'd known that... But he didn't, so it doesn't matter.

Now, I don't mean to downplay anything that happened in the Digital World, every second changed me in some way and I'm a better person because I was there (I mean that, cheesy as it sounds), but things didn't really start to heat up until we reached the Dark Continent. The Venus Rose was right up ahead and our journey, as far as we could tell, was almost over. Then the Trailmon stopped and dumped us at the Dark Gate and hightailed it in the opposite direction. If that wasn't a bright warning sign, then Bokomon's enlightening little speech on the Continent itself definitely was. Honestly, the place had "Do Not Enter" all over it and any normal person would have needed a death wish to go in. But we weren't normal. Maybe it was because I had the Spirits of Light and they were calling to the Spirits of Darkness, or I sensed Kouichi, but I could feel myself being pulled towards the Gate. This was it. My questions, why I was here, the answers Ophanimon had promised me, they were all there beyond the door. The light had to venture into darkness and illuminate the truth. It was sickeningly poetic. Regardless, as soon as I hit the earth I knew that I was going into the Continent of Darkness with or without the others. I thought it was the Venus Rose, my commitment to the mission because what else could it be? No other explanation made sense at the time; nothing else could explain the magnetic affinity I had for this place. I felt excited and uneasy for no obvious reason, almost like déjà vu.

Of course, I didn't go alone. Izumi is probably the most stubborn girl in Japan, there was no way she would turn back even if the Dark Gate was made up entirely of snakes, spiders, and centipedes and there was... something unbelievably terrifying on the other side. Tomoki may have started off as an obnoxious little cry baby not worth my time, but by then he'd grown in every aspect but height and in any sort of struggle he had become more than capable. Junpei was never a coward, he's always just been smart and protective and where Izumi and Tomoki went, the power of thunder would always be behind them. And Takuya... where to start. It was his confident speech that solidified everyone else's intent to continue on our quest, what else is there to say. Seriously, that boy can eat, sleep, whine, yell, and give motivating speeches like no other. And for all his faults, he's my best friend after Kouichi.

So we marched onward, dragging an almost tearful Bokomon with nothing but the chilled twilight to light the way. It was slow progress, creepy at best and, when Izumi decided a well timed scream would liven things up, downright terrifying. To be blunt, it was an awful place, dark and dank with a distinctly evil aura. 'Course, we don't really know what the Dark Continent was supposed to look like, it may well have been as altered by Cherubimon's corrupted magic as my brother. Just the thought makes my blood boil- sorry, that was off topic. Like I said, slow, silent except for the occasional spattering of gasps and conversation. Quite dull actually, but in retrospect, preferable to what came next. About the time we were beginning to relax and have some fun, mostly due to some glowing moss and friendly Digimon, Petaldramon decided it was the opportune moment to attack. Oddly enough, that's not the important part. Not that it wasn't a riveting and exciting battle, but the only thing I actually care about happened after Duskmon had destroyed his own ally and started toying with us. When we crossed blades, when we first 'unofficially' met. I'm not sure what happened, it wasn't really a magical twin moment, but I could feel we weren't... strangers either, that there was something there. I felt his power, his wrath. His intent to eradicate us and serve his master. But beneath all that, there was a connection between us, a connection that fascinated and freighted me. Whatever it was, it didn't last long, because before I fully knew what was happening we were hightailing it out of there.

At the time, nothing would have made me happier than to never have seen his ruby eyes again. I didn't know what he was or wanted, only that to fight him would have been suicide and wrong on some level I didn't get either. Meeting him again was not something I wanted to go through. Nonetheless, or maybe because I was trying so hard to avoid him, he found us, found me. I'm not going to lie, I'd never been so scared before in my life. Since then I've had much more traumatic experiences, most of them- all of them actually, involving Kouichi in trouble, but before that nothing compared. Honestly, that boy's a danger magnet. He can't even walk down the street without tripping or getting hit by a bus or something. Anyway, Duskmon, fighting. I'd tried to tell Takuya he was too powerful, tried to explain that a friendship speech wouldn't work with this one. But the goggle-head had to go do something brash and I, being the only one with half an ounce of sense and no idealistic dreams of glory, had to go and save him. Of course, in true heroic fashion, that meant throwing myself in front of Duskmon's attack. Kind of a stupid thing to do in retrospect, an emotional decision if ever one existed. What happened next I can't say. I was either in excruciating pain or unconscious. All I knew was that it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before, like icy needles pushing through every centimeter of flesh, then there was a wave of darkness, and the nightmares started.

Whether I dreamt once or across several nights is irrelevant because every time I closed my eyes from that point until I met him in his human body, the images flashed through my mind. They still do, occasionally, whenever he gives me that guilty look, the apology. I have half a mind to say it wasn't a dream at all, that it was something completely different and altogether unnatural. But that would mean admitting to a whole other world full of things I didn't understand. I can make the Digital World make sense because it's the physical manifestation of all the data we humans have on every computer we've created. But I was in the Digital World; twin ESP visions are something I'm not quite ready to accept in its full definition. If I did, then I would have to admit that there was a way for me to sense him before he fell into Cherubimon's manipulative grasp. A way to catch Kouichi before he fell into darkness. That I was responsible for letting him down. Any form of ESP would just be a constant reminder of my own guilt, something I don't need. Then again, I don't need twin ESP guilt to remind me of what happened between me and my brother, I have this ridiculous nightmare.

When Duskmon's sword cut through me, forcing me back into human form, Takuya started yelling my name. "Kouji. Kouji! _Kouji!_" I could hear him through the haze of icy pain, though that's not all I heard. There was another voice, someone else's pain rushing towards me in a black mist. Night surrounded me, formless, substances, just there. I tried to call out, but there was no sound, not even my breath whispered in my ears. Something moved beside me. Duskmon. I sensed him more than I saw him and I jumped back, falling into a fighting stance slowly, as if I was underwater. He came forward, his body completely black and human shaped, its edges misty. Everything about him seemed to waver, like I was staring at my reflection in a pool of shadow in the breeze. Definitely human shaped, but I couldn't distinguish anything beyond that. He stared at me, his eyes the burning red I'd seen before, glowing, empty, the only things not covered by the black shadow that surrounded him. They looked almost sad, pained somehow. His blood read swords materialized out of the night, glowing eerily in the gloom. I drew my own out of nowhere, a solid beam of light that pushed back the darkness.

"Kouji," he hissed in his low, gravel of a voice.

"Duskmon," I answered curtly. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he almost snarled.

"I know you." I didn't have time to contemplate this rather perplexing statement as half a second later he had lunged at me and our swords were pressing against each other. I circled the blade around, shoving his off to the side defensively. He gave me a fierce look and twisted his body so that the blade not held by my own was free to stab. I jumped back, but we were starting to move terribly slowly, like our fight was underwater. I caught the wrist holding the sword not pinned by my own and twisted it. Duskmon cried out in pain and dropped the blade. It clattered to the floor, ringing and bouncing slowly, surreally. We both looked down at it, crimson glittering against shadowed black. He knocked my blade aside as suddenly as the drag would allow, still managing to surprise me, and slicing towards my side. He had the perfect shot, right to the kidney, but at the last second he hesitated, freezing. I didn't make the same mistake. Time sped up; my movements were suddenly unrestrained and quick. I knocked his second blade aside and drove my own into his stomach, just as I would have any other Digimon.

But he wasn't any other Digimon. There was no fractal code, no floating Spirit, nothing. His form didn't darken; no glimmering ring of any kind surrounded his body. He didn't disintegrate and leave behind a glowing egg. I could feel my blade inside of his flesh, something wet running down towards the hilt. A liquid that seconds before had been hot touched my hand and I started, removing the blade quickly and tossing it aside. It clattered to the floor, next to Duskmon's. That was a curious juxtaposition, the red blade of darkness lying clean against the blade of light rusty with as strange liquid. Duskmon stumbled forward, grabbing my shoulder for support himself with one hand. I was too stunned to react. His other hand was pressed over the hole left by my sword, his head tilted down, staring at it. Slowly, fearfully, he pulled his hand up to eye level, so we both could see what had happened. The pale skin was stained with a bright red something, something that smelt of copper and salt. His form rippled in the darkness, then disappeared in small, black wisps.

Everything around me began to swell and contract, contorting organically like oil on water. I began to feel nauseous from the motion, or at least very uncomfortable. Letting out a groan, I reached down and grabbed my stomach, as if to sooth it, only to find it wet. Wet and slick. The stench of copper still hung in the air, only it was stronger, more intense, suffocating. What I thought was nausea was beginning to ache, and then hurt. With a gasp I pulled my hands up to my face, staring at them incredulously. Red, much brighter than I'd always envisioned. From the hole left by my own sword. I fell to my knees, colored orbs winking in the dark around me, and woke up.


	2. Dawning

**Author's Note: So Hatred has been up for a while and not received much attention so I began to wonder, why is it that such a fine work of genius has only gotten one review? Just kidding. There are parts in this that I really like but it required a bit of bridge work. Any who, the little ego I IB has left me was indeed bruised until it struck me that maybe Hatred was somewhat less than popular was because enduring 21 pages of even the best of writing on a computer screen is rather painful. And it just so happened that there were three distinct peeks in the original one-shot. So voila! Split up for your (the reader's) convenience and mental sanity!**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapter. Too tired to come up with another clever way of disclaiming ownership.

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That was when it clicked, at least subconsciously. Duskmon wasn't a Digimon like anything I'd encountered. If I killed him, he would die. If he died, I would lose something unspeakably important, a part of myself I couldn't describe. At the same time, I had to fight him. There was no question, no doubt in my mind. We had to fight, and I had to win. The line between winning and losing, though, was much blurrier than one would think. Do I make any sense? It makes sense to me. Anyway, that's not the only thing that forced the truth on me before Kouichi did. There was more, more secrets, more mind games. I woke up alone in the woods where the battle had been fought. Takuya was gone, along with Izumi, Junpei, and Tomoki. The latter had been captured by Ranamon and Mercurymon, a situation that I had to rectify, as usual. The former was off on some kind of spiritual journey to discover his connection to nature and what it truly means to be a Digimon, yada, yada. He certainly took his sweet time coming to help me rescue the others, but that's not the point. Whatever happened to him, delusion or just one of the Digital World's quirks, the experience forced him to mature. The guy really grew up. In true Takuya manner, he gave us a dramatic rendition of his experiences, conveniently neglecting to mention that he saw my brother trying to talk to me back at the train station, information that would have been very helpful. It would have taken the edge off the shock at least. Goggle-head.

Of course, I really wasn't thinking about any of that at the time. I was more concerned with Duskmon and his lack of commitment when it came to finishing me off. The guy despised me, I was certain of that much, yet both in my dream and in reality, he had failed to kill me. I had been weak and vulnerable, but he hadn't taken the shot. And I wasn't captured like the others, Ranamon and Mercurymon had left me alone, and it wasn't because I was their favorite and they didn't want to hurt me. Duskmon had had something to do with it, of that much I was sure of. Why? How could he hate me so much, and refuse to see me dead at the same time? Was he toying with me? Protecting me? Biding his time and saving me for some later encounter? Somehow I knew there was more to it, on both sides. The worst part of my dream wasn't that Duskmon had attacked me, or that I had fought him. What was tearing me up inside was the look in my reflection's almost human eyes as I killed him like I would have any other evil Digimon. All I could think about was that he had hesitated... and I hadn't. What was our connection, this thing between us? I had to know.

For once, it seemed, fate was on our side. Seeing me, hearing my name again, I guess it triggered some of the human memories Cherubimon had stolen from my brother. Kouichi was just as confused and tormented as I was after that first encounter. We never talked about it, but I can tell. Trying to destroy your own flesh and blood, especially when you know on some level that it's them, is a sin no words can describe. It tears at you, eating away at you slowly from the inside out until it destroys you. All I had was a subconscious nagging, a feeling from a long time ago to tell me we were blood. Kouichi though... his last memory from the human world was of trying to get to me. The humanity bubbling back to the surface within him after that fight must have torn him apart. So when we, Takuya, Izumi, me, etc., were pulled into Sakkakumon and became separated, I suppose it was the perfect time for some one-on-one time between long lost twins. Personally, I would have preferred a different setting for the big revelation as Sakkakumon was just flat out creepy. Seriously, the guy has, like, thirty different outdoor settings inside of him, as well as a variety of miscellaneous rooms that look like the inside of a marble and fleshy chambers all complete with slimy hands that push you through eye-shaped portals and Digimon who's only purpose seemed to be to mess with your brain or kill you. Like I said, creepy, and not very private either. We were inside the Digimon's gut, it only makes sense that he was listening to everything.

It took some wandering, and some trying, psychological battles, but I eventually found myself in a dark chamber where both floor and ceiling were a mix of navy, black and dark magenta. The room was utterly flat and empty, the only interruption in the swirl of color was a large, pale sun shaped symbol, thin kites radiating from a small circle, an image that I later realized had something to do with light. Ironic. Odd as it was, this was the place where things really started to fall together for me, where I discovered for a fact Duskmon was more than just the Legendary Warrior of Darkness, that our struggle went beyond the conflict between light and darkness. Things happened here between me and Kouichi that even Sakkakumon knew nothing about. It was a while back, but I can remember every detail, every word and inflection, every movement like it was half-an-hour ago. I'd been walking across the room, looking around uncertainly. My immediate goal was to get back outside, but there was something else I felt I needed to do. Something important. I didn't realize I wasn't alone until he spoke.

"Kouji... who are you?" I jumped and spun around, as if I intended to fight him in my human form.

"Duskmo-" Before I could finish the name he'd reached out and grabbed me, hoisting my body into the air like a rag doll.

"I can't wait any longer! I need to know!" His fist wedged against my throat, threateningly, my cloths cut into me from supporting my weight. I was beginning to have trouble breathing. "What is our connection? Why do I feel like I know you? And _why _did you come to this world? Give me your memories. Now!" The sockets on his skull like hand began to glow, spewing a black mist. It surrounded me, the cold slicing through to my core like icy whips. I screamed like I'd never screamed before. Trust me, I've had some painful experiences, but nothing compared to the darkness hacking into my brain and torturing my body. Nevertheless, I still had my pride, and it would not be quieted so easily.

"Get out of my head, Duskmon! Leave my memories alone!"

"Silence!" The intensity of the darkness doubled and I was thrown to the back of my own mind like a leaf in the storm.

It was... uncomfortable. I could feel Duskmon shoving around inside my head, looking at my memories, reading my thoughts, as if he were going through my room. He was unskilled, clumsy even, I could watch everything he was doing but couldn't stop him. I couldn't see past the mist, but I could sense _him_. I could feel his thoughts at the edge of my own. It was like there was a bridge between us, an unguarded, open bridge, a feedback loop. Duskmon was looking at my memories, of my home, of the day I came to the Digital World, and they were playing before me too, but like background noise. I could still think and talk and I could ignore the images and focus of something much more intriguing. He was trespassing in my mind, as weird as that sounds, and had left his own open to me. This was the perfect opportunity to find out more about him. I reached out, testing to see if I could make it, then went forward, entering his mind as he did mine, preparing to do as much digging as I could before he threw me out. Then something very strange happened. I materialized in a dark place, a swirl of purple and green and black. My body was still there and my memories were still playing, but they were far away, as if this place was real and those sensations the day dream. They were going slowly, I was out of time. This was not what I had expected.

"Is this really Duskmon's mind?" I asked myself, my words echoing back to me. "Not much to look at."

"Hello," a voice called from the shadows, a very familiar voice. I looked around sharply, struggling to maintain my balance in the directionless mass. "How did you get here? Who are you?" The boy from my nightmares appeared before me, several meters away. He studied me curiously- at least, I thought it was curiosity. His featureless head was tilted to one side any way.

"I could ask you the same question," I hissed, slipping into a fighting stance. This wasn't the real world; it wasn't even the Digital World. Here, Duskmon wrote the rule book, so this figment, be it a part of him or a memory taken from my dreams and given form, was bound to attack me if given the chance.

"The same question... What question?" he asked absently, his head tilting further to the left. "Who I am, you mean." His manner was soft and quiet, his dull, non-reflective black eyes wide and somehow glowing with a type of innocent honesty. "To tell you the truth, I don't really know. I can't seem to remember." He glanced at me, then around the room, if you could call it that. Where had this thing come from? He appeared with the darkness, so that should have been a sign we were in conflict. Yet, on to contrary, I felt like I needed to, I don't know, protect him somehow. Like I needed to save him. I shook the thought off, my features hardening.

"Well that's helpful."

"I'm sorry," he muttered sheepishly, looking away. The shadows had morphed, giving him a defined shape, features. My features. His skin was pale white, his hair short and rather disorderly, and his eyes were still black, but other than that he was me. His voice had changed too, much like mine only softer, a little lower.

"Why do you look like me," I asked tentatively, narrowing my eyes suspiciously as his form became less transparent.

"Do I?" He looked down at himself, then over at me, quietly perplexed. "Maybe I am you."

"I seriously doubt that."

"Then who am I?"

"Stop playing games, Duskmon, you know what I want."

"Duskmon? Why would you call me that? Is that who I am?" I nodded slowly, still not dropping my guard. I wasn't about to let him trick me over intuition, especially illogical intuition that told me to trust someone who was trying to kill me. "That's what he says too, but it doesn't sound right. I don't think I'm Duskmon. I didn't used to be, until he came."

"Who are you talking about," I snapped coldly. This guy was so vague I couldn't follow anything he said. One thing was clear, there was no way he was _me _in any form. I was nothing like this. However, if that was true and he wasn't me, then what was he? Duskmon had a point; if he wasn't me, why did we look alike? "Who's he?"

"Lord Cherubimon. He found me and told me I was Duskmon and that I had to destroy the light. Destroy you." He looked me straight in the eye and it was hard not to recoil from the intensity of his gaze. "If you're Kouji, that is." He was solidifying, his form no longer bounced up and down as if it were floating. He was so frail looking, so weak and unassuming. It was hard to believe that this boy way actually a Digimon capable of absolute obliteration. Then again, maybe he wasn't. I couldn't help but feel close to the boy, close in a way I had never experienced with Duskmon. It was almost as if they weren't the same person.

"Well, you're sort of failing," I said sarcastically, relaxing a little and disregarding the warning voice of reason in favor of that fickle feeling instinct. He didn't seem aggressive, no use wasting energy waiting for him to attack. Duskmon or not, maybe this boy could tell me about Cherubimon's plans. It was worth a shot.

"Yes, you're right. I have failed. I'm glad." He grinned, his smile soft and warm.

"What?"

"You seem very nice; I don't know why Lord Cherubimon wants me to destroy you."

"You mean he never told you why? You're just blindly following orders?" My tone was somewhat disgusted, causing him to flinch slightly.

"No. No, he told me why. I just can't remember. I can't remember anything before now, actually." I felt like I could reach out and touch him now, like he was actually there, a real person inside of Duskmon. That wasn't possible, he couldn't be real. He looked at me, the beginnings of fear and desperation blooming in his eyes. "That's not right, I should be able to, but I can't." His breath caught in his throat, as if something had hit him squarely in the chest, then it quickened as he started to panic. "I can't remember... who I am, where I came from, what happened." A hysterical note had seeped into his voice as his eyes began to take on a life like, blue glint. "I can't remember!" Images flashed across my vision, sharp, alien images. I saw myself on the train going to the Shibuya Station, on the elevator, through another set of eyes. Someone was watching me, running towards me, slamming into the elevator doors as they closed. His head was dropped, his hands pressed against the reflective doors. He looked up. Pain shot through me and the boy and I screamed in unison. He grabbed his head, gasping. I recovered a little faster.

"Calm down, it's all right," I said soothingly, stepping towards him. He stumbled back, a wild look contorting his face, his body almost solid. "It's going to be all right, I won't hurt you, just calm down." I felt so... protective. I wanted to help him and I didn't understand why.

"No, stay back! Light brings pain. Kouji is pain." He began to strike out, his fingers flexed and claw-like, his balance phasing in and out, threatening to abandon the boy completely and send him to the floor. Something told me that he was one of those people who managed to break something whenever they fell over. Taking preventive and logical action without any sort of emotional rational like worry, I tackled him, grabbing his wrists and pinning him down.

"Stop it; you're going to hurt yourself!" He closed his eyes, throwing his head from side to side and squirming.

"Minamoto Kouji, son of Minamoto Kousei who's been married to another woman for three years. You're always moving because of your fathers work. You never made many friends. You have a dog, he pulls you around when you walk him and sometimes knocks you over. You think your mother's dead. You were getting flowers for that other woman," he screamed trying to through me off. "You were giving up on her. You were giving up on Mom!"

"How could you possibly know that," I whispered, my grip loosening. It didn't go unnoticed. He threw me off, making a fist and grabbing my shirt. Then he froze, a single tear glistening in the half light. I stared at him in numb disbelief. What was this guy's deal? We sat there for a moment, me on the ground, him pinning me there, holding my upper half up and preparing to attack, his eyes closed painfully.

"I can't do it," he muttered faintly. "I can't hurt you. Why can't I hurt you? I'm supposed to hurt you but I can't." He dropped me suddenly, scooting away and huddling into a ball. "What's wrong with me," he moaned, tucking his chin to his chest and pressing his palms over his ears. "Why can't I do what I'm supposed to?" I stood up gingerly, pulling out the wrinkles in my shirt and approaching him cautiously.

"How do you know me," I asked quietly. He didn't make a noise. "Hey." I grabbed his hands and he looked up, his lost eyes brimming with tears, his body cold as death and shaking.

"I don't know. I can't remember," he breathed.

"Have you ever tried?" He shook his head, his hair falling across his eyes.

"I never needed to. I never doubted what I was until I met you."

"What does that mean? What are you trying to say?" Another riddle, like I didn't get enough of those. Why was this guy so complicated? Odd, I'm not really sure when I started referring of him as separate from Duskmon.

"I don't know! Why are you asking me these questions?"

"Who are you really? _What_ are you?" He didn't respond, trying desperately to look away. "Hey!" I gave him a slight shake and his gaze snapped back to mine, anger flashing in his half-dead eyes.

"Darkness," he answered quietly. I sighed, getting up. This was getting me nowhere, and Duskmon would be leaving my mind soon. I couldn't waste time talking to this sub personality of his or whatever he was, no matter how I felt. My friends needed me, the Digital World needed me. There was no time to waste. My movement startled him apparently, at least, it caused a rather wild mood swing. He stood up. "No wait, Kouji! Don't leave!" He reached out faster than I thought possible, grabbing my sleeve desperately. "Please don't go. I know I'm not very helpful, and I know I'm not who you wanted to see. But you can't leave me! Not now, not again!"

"Again?" He ignored me, continuing in a rushed voice, trying to explain himself.

"You can't go. I don't know, I can't. You questions, they're mine too. Please, wait just a little longer. You can't leave me again. When I'm with you, it hurts but-"

"What do you mean it hurts? Duskmon, why won't you just give me a straight answer?"

"I don't know how to. I don't remember! All I know is what I feel. There's just overwhelming sadness, pain, not just yours. These things, they aren't new. It's been so long, but I've felt them before, and it's because of you. I want more. I want to know what our connection is. I want to know what I am." A spasm shot through his body, as if the sudden wave of emotion had shorted something else and he let go, shrieking in agony and grabbing his head. His fingers knotted in his dark hair, his yells echoed through the darkness. "No," he screamed, not to me, to something else inside his mind. "I have to tell you! When I'm with you, it's blurry, but at least I feel! I know!"

"Duskmon? Duskmon, what are you doing!" He was on his knees, his body contorting as waves of intense pain washed over him.

"Not Duskmon! That's not right! None of this is right! I'm-" A dark red mist flamed up around his body, enveloping him. He threw back his head and arched his back, the screams tearing at his throat. His eyes shot open, sparkling with life, my mother's eyes. Then he collapsed, slumping onto his side, his hair falling across his wide blue eyes. "You can't do this," he muttered to no one. I wanted to get closer, to make sure he was all right, but I was afraid to. "I'll fight it."

"Duskmon?" The boy's eyes faded back to black and he gave me a blank stare. "Who are you?"

"Get out!" Duskmon's voice boomed through the realm, dark and angry. The boy dissolved back into the dark mist as I began to fall.


	3. Comprehension

**Author's Note: Meh, same story as the last Author's Note; though I must say I feel particularly clever and productive for splitting this up and actually naming chapters. Clever names too, I think. Don't kill my joy...**

**Disclaimer: In the minute since I wrote the last disclaimer I have unfortunately not managed to gain possession of anything else and still own nothing.

* * *

**

I hit the hard ground, the swirls of purple and green replaced by indigo and sunset pink. Duskmon stood before me, howling as a dark mist surrounded him and took the shape of Cherubimon's upper half. "Duskmon, you hesitate," it stated, it's voice a deep growl, its arms wrapping around the Digimon. "You alone posses the Spirit of Darkness. To realize its full power, _mercy _cannot exist. Remove this obstacle at once!"

"That's not what you really want Duskmon," I called, hoping to get through to him as much for his sake as for my own well being.

"Ignore him! Listen to the darkness in your heart. Destroy this human, and fulfill your destiny!" The mist pulled itself back into Duskmon's body, numbing his pain and smothering his new found emotion. He sighed, relaxing and staring at me with such hatred I winced.

"I _will_ cover this world in darkness," he said coldly, unsheathing his swords.

"I can't let that happen," I retorted harshly. Whatever he was, friend of foe, I couldn't let him destroy the world I'd fought so hard to protect. Cherubimon's hold was too strong, I couldn't get through to the part I'd talked to. He was gone, vanished into the darkness. There was no option but to fight. I Spirit Evolved, trying to strike before he was ready. He was too fast, blocking or dodging every one of my attacks. Luckily, he wasn't doing any better. None of his attack hit, we were even. Wait... no we weren't. I had something he didn't, at least for the time being. I Slid Evolved, thinking my Beast Spirit would be more effective since it had always proved to be more powerful. It made me overly confident. He landed one effortless strike as I lunged and I de-Evolved back into a human, his hatred for me resonating in the crimson energy of his attack. His pain, the boy's pain, washed over me, mingling with my own. I crumpled.

"Anything else you'd like to try," he taunted, savoring the moment. His hatred gave him more strength then I could imagine, more power, all directed at me. Why? Why did he hate me so much? Why was he doing this to me? Were we just playing out the war between light and darkness? Or was there another war? Another game whose rules I was still learning?

"Got to do something," I groaned. "I know it's not supposed to end like this. I can't let Duskmon win. I just can't, not yet!" He was going to kill me. He was going to release all his wrath on me and I'd be washed away. That wasn't how the story went; light was supposed to triumph over darkness. Was there something about me? Had I done something wrong? The boy...

"It's time to say good bye. Any final thoughts?" The boy from before was gone, lost inside of Duskmon's furry. Duskmon couldn't help what he was, what he did. He was run by loathing, powered by suffering. I was different, I had a choice in how I treated people. I'd made some bad ones, acted out of pain and anger. I was saying something, something that made him freeze. I'd hurt the people close to me and now I regretted it. I'd never known how much it hurt to be rejected until now, how horrible it felt when someone struck you in agony. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't his fault. "No. Stop it!" I heard the boy, the hurt of my words. Why should my apology hurt him? Had I wronged him too? I had to make up for the pain I'd caused, undo the damage of my bitterness. Until I did I was no better than Duskmon. I resolved to apologize to my new mom, she was only trying to help, she didn't deserve what I'd done to her any more than I deserved what Duskmon was doing to me. "Enough!" I was going to give her those flowers I'd bought before I'd come to the Digital World, and he would not stop me.

There was a bright light, it pushed back the darkness and washed over me, carrying me into a warm place. I could see my Human Spirit and my Beast Spirit, next to me, offering me their power. The power to defeat the hatred and free the Spirit. I hesitated, remembering the boy, his torment. I didn't want to fight him, something was telling me not to hurt him. But he was Duskmon and Duskmon needed to be removed. He was dangerous. This new power could end it. "Execute, Fusion Evolution!" I felt my Spirits combine within me, like drinking hot miso broth infused with pure energy. It stung a little as my body was morphed, but it was worth the pain. I had to defeat Duskmon, there was no other way. "Beowulfmon!"

"I underestimated you," congratulated Duskmon, not sounding even mildly surprised. "But I don't understand, you're miserable Kouji, what do you have to fight for?"

"I have some unfinished business to attend to! Maybe you're so far-gone that you've given up on the ones you care about, but I've been given a second chance!" That made him mad. I could see newly ignited abhorrence in his eyes, as if he despised me all the more for embracing others in my life. He was... jealous. "And I'm gonna take it!" I lunged at him, our swords clashing violently, sparking with the power of our attacks. The dark mist began to seep from his body again as bright tendrils of light surrounded me. The two forces clashed around us, growing in intensity. I saw my human form reflected in his eyes, laid bare by the effort in our stale mate. Then, for just a second, I saw the boy in Duskmon, his eyes so far past their black they held a nonabsorbent crimson tint. I saw him, not just in a dream or in a fantasy, but here, fighting me, as real as I was. "Who is that!" That wasn't possible, he was just a figment of Duskmon's mind, a form he took to mess with me, a character from a bad dream. He couldn't be real. Yet there he was, as much a part of Duskmon as I was of Beowulfmon, hatred and anguish frozen in his eyes. He seemed completely unaware of what he was, but for a moment, there was a flicker of doubt, of life. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. Our attacks were too strong to be maintained, they exploded out against us. We were thrown from the chamber, tossed as easily as debris into a forest so far away I could no longer see the complex that was Sakkakumon, the complex that had been our prison. Truth be told, I didn't really notice or care where I was. I had found my purpose and I would not let it slip away. "I have to find out," I whispered to myself, immediately on my feet and on his tail. I could no longer ignore my gut, it had been proven right and my reason faulty. Duskmon wasn't what he appeared, deep down he was just a child in pain. Just someone like me. I had to find him, I had to save him. That's when I knew beyond certainty we were more than enemies, bound together by more than fate. I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what was between us, why I needed him and why he knew me. All I knew for sure was that he was my question, my answer, and my future.

I took off immediately, chasing him, calling out to him, willing him to come back and face me. Unfortunately, he was as intent on avoiding me as I was on stalking him. Curious reversal, in the human world Kouichi had been the one stalking me. One of life's little jokes, I guess. I followed him all the way to a sunken mountain range of brown earth, a castle like complex filling a type of bizarre canyon. Some of the mountains, or tall hills, were hollowed out, windows carved into their thick walls to let the little light there was into the makeshift tent-like structure. He entered one, attempting to hide. I found him. The room was large and bare, abandoned for many years if it had ever served as a home at all. I entered cautiously, fully prepared for an ambush of some sort. What I didn't expect was an attempt at communication from Duskmon.

"Who are you?" His voice echoed through the room, questioning from the shadows.

"I could ask you the same question," I shot back. It was the same as before, except this time, we were both physically together. No games, no tricks, no illusions or phantoms. This was the real thing, this was Duskmon, fully and completely, demanding the knowledge we were both seeking.

"Why did you follow me here?" That was a little more difficult to answer. Why had I come? To destroy him? To interrogate him? To simply be with him? Logically it made no sense, I shouldn't have followed him. I should have regrouped with the others and continued to the Venus Rose. I should have approached him with the group instead of attempting to fight him alone again. But emotionally...

"Because I felt I had to." I gave the only answer that I could come up with, the only truth I could articulate. He didn't question it.

"Your presence is painful to me," he stated, still in the shadows, as if this was supposed to explain everything that had happened between us. I already knew I hurt him, what I didn't understand was how or why.

"Is that why you hide from me in the shadows?"

"It is not." Indignation rang through the chamber.

"Then why?"

"Destiny." For a moment, I heard the boy in Duskmon's voice. I could hear Kouichi trying to tell me we were bound. I could hear myself, giving this pull I felt towards him a name.

"Destiny?" He paused for only a second, contemplating his explanation. I could hear his conflict in the silence. Whose destiny would he clarify? The one of the boy I knew was inside of him? Or the Warrior of Darkness?

"Darkness hides from the light until it is ready to destroy it." I could hear the distrust in his voice, the loathing, the glee at the idea of my demise. The words were cold, emotionless. He despised me, every part of him hated me and that hatred gave him strength to overrule the small voice of humanity that still whispered in his mind. It hurt to know that. Then he spoke again. "You, Warrior of Light, are my Destiny. Darkness will prevail. Your light shall be extinguished!" Without much more warning he jumped out, blades extended and attacked me. I was ready for him. After all, someone doesn't tell you your light will be extinguished and then just sit there and do nothing about it. Our blades met, and the intensity of our conflict laid our faces bare once more. This time, he was different. His eyes were navy blue again, and glinted with something I didn't recognize. It was like he was trying to tell me something, trying to force a message through his sword, but I couldn't hear him. I didn't understand.

The power exploded out like before, throwing us back, only this time the fighting didn't stop. We continued to throw attacks at each other until we destroyed the cavernous lair. Shattering it into large chunks of debris. The battle field was transformed into something resembling a World War Two war zone in Berlin, desolate, treacherous, the cloud of dust thick enough to obscure any figure. Even then we didn't stop, dancing around until we managed to fall into the one hole in the entire area. We landed in a large pool of water, a cave light by an eerie green glow with thick stone pillars branching up from the floor but never quite reaching the ceiling, standing solemnly. It was so much darker here, I couldn't see very well. He could though, and he used that to his advantage. I could tell he was in conflict, one side despising me, desiring nothing more than my demise, and the other hesitant, questioning. He knew he hated me, but he couldn't remember why. Why was always the question between us. All I knew for sure was that as the length of our battle increased, so did Duskmon's ferocity, until he finally managed to knock me down. He held his blades to my throat, ready to end me in one swift swing, and with me all the pain and uncertainty and confusion. With me the human heart that still beat within him. No more questions.

"You are mine," he said triumphantly, press the sharp edges in between my plates of armor. I groaned, looking away. I was still just a kid; I'd talk of glory and honor but there was no way I was actually ready for death. Then he hesitated again, as if he remembered that beneath the Digimon, there was still a human boy. A human boy that was his brother, the reason he became Duskmon to begin with. "Kouji," he breathed, loosening his grip. Just like in my dream, he paused and I acted. I threw him off, knocking his swords from his hands and pinning him to the nearest wall. He didn't struggle, or even try to fight me off. As I prepared the final blow, to end him instead, to see if he was just a Digimon or something more, he just stared at me. Now I realize what it was he was trying to do, but at the time it was so cryptic. I was going to stop my confusion by destroying its source, and he was giving me permission to do so. He wanted me to end it for him too. My own brother was going to let me kill him, and I was doing it. Something within me protested loudly, something that understood that hurting him was wrong, but my pride was louder.

Just as I was about to fire, Cherubimon showed up and stopped me. I was in so much pain from his preventive measures, I wasn't really sure what he was saying or doing. There was, however, one phrase that stuck out, that sends ice through my veins and makes my blood boil at the same time whenever I think about it. "Did you really think you could defeat the Son of Darkness, my own creation?" His creation. The result of his toying with my brother's thoughts and feelings, merging him with the Spirit of Darkness on a level far deeper than anything the rest of us experienced. He used him, whatever Kouichi says. He manipulated and used my twin, and I was playing along wonderfully. But there was one piece of the script I hadn't followed. Even then, as I fell through the darkness and Cherubimon gave Kouichi the Beast Sprit of Darkness and submerged his heart once more, the bond between us was fighting against the current of Cherubimon's 'destiny'. I had awakened something inside of Duskmon, something that had been sealed away, something whose connection to me was so ingrained in the both of us no one could ever truly make us forget each other. Unfortunately, Cherubimon wasn't going to rest until he had tried everything to separate the twins, including twisting Kouichi into a form less human than anything we ever encountered in the Digital World. Velgemon emerged from Cherubimon's grip, a massive and horrible raptor bird, with feathers like steel and horns out of a demonology book. His rage was far beyond anything I had ever experienced, his pain an ice storm as destructive as any wild fire, all directed at me.

"Light, enemy. Destroy light!" He looked down at me, his misty yellow eyes no longer holding anything remotely like Kouichi. At least, not the Kouichi the world sees. They burned with a cold intensity, one that will still flare in my brother's eyes when he feels strongly about something. I shudder just thinking about it. Velgemon stared intently at me, animalistic fury seeking an outlet. "Destroy!" He swooped down at me, talons ready, fangs bared. I pulled out my sword again, sending a wave of white energy to stop him, but he brushed right through it. Passed through my most powerful attack like it was nothing more than a breeze. He was too powerful, I couldn't so much as scratch him. Within thirty seconds he had reduced the underground cavern to debris just like before, only this time instead of helping him, I was crushed back into my human form. I managed to survive, but just barely, a mistake Velgemon had every intention of rectifying. I had no control, any influence I might have had was gone. He was an animal, an animal that was intent on destroying the source of his pain. Destroying me. And there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to move, to get out of the way and crawl to safety, I earnestly tried. My body, however, was less than able to carry out my request. The best I could manage was a slight twitch. My D-Tector fell out of my pocket, useless by my hand. I wanted to call out to him, beg him to stop, to wait, but it hurt to even move. My voice wasn't working properly.

Suddenly, there was a bright light beside me, a beam from the D-Tector. It hit the dark Digimon between the eyes and I felt a rush of air blow dust and small rocks into my face as Velgemon came to a complete halt before me, held back by the light. I could hear Ophanimon's voice, pleading with Velgemon to remember. "Remember, you must remember." A smart little voice in the back of my mind told me he must have been getting very tired of that word. Remember this, remember that, forgotten this, understand that. It must have been annoying, having so many people in your head telling you what to do. He must have been so confused, he must have needed me. I knew he needed me, and I wasn't there for him. Then she said something that caught my attention. "Remember your life in the human world." The human world, my world. So, we did know each other from before. My conscious mind didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe that the creature looming above me had been and was still, on some level, human. A human I was close to. Still, that little ESP side only accepted the information as conformation of what it already knew. Ophanimon was doing something to him, something that was causing him intense pain. She was forcing the memories back onto him, vaporizing the barriers Cherubimon had erected in his mind to keep his humanity subdued. He let out an animalistic howl, a sound that tore at my ears and ripped at my soul. I could hear the boy's scream of agony just beneath it, his pain resonating in my chest. His face filled my mind's eye, pleading, desperate, my mother's eyes spilling uncertain tears onto my face. I didn't understand, and I did. He looked just like me, but he wasn't me. He was a human, but not one that I had met in the Digital World or on the Trailmon. Someone from before...

"What are you," I yelled abruptly, screaming at the retreating form of the raptor-like Digimon. He groaned, withdrawing as quickly as his wings would allow him. "Answer me!" I pushed myself up threateningly, as if I was going to try and stop him. He was too far away, only my voice could reach him now, even if the drive for knowledge that had eased my pain could have also granted me wings. "Velgemon, just who are you to me!" He didn't answer, he didn't know, but I did. Even as I shouted the question to the sky I knew. My brother, my twin, the darkness to my light. Not in so many words. Nonetheless, the feeling was the same, the instinct, the attraction. There was only one thing in my mind. Find Duskmon, discover for certain what our bond was, and save him.

And that's it, really. You know the rest. I chased him until he stopped running, when his memories were complete enough for him to face me. That's when the truth came out, in that last fight. He flat out told me he was my brother, right before knocking me right back into my human form in the middle of the fight and almost killing me for about the fourth time. There had been no hesitation that time, no waver in his will. He didn't falter that last time and I couldn't bring myself to fight him now that I knew for certain how we were connected. Takuya had had to save me, and he had to help me finally free Kouichi from Duskmon. That's the side you saw any way. Like everything else that happened, you only saw the half truth of it. We did manage to bring Kouichi back to his human form and purify the Spirits of Darkness, but I never saved him from anything. Fact: I'd never failed at anything, pride wouldn't allow it, until I met Kouichi. I mean physically met him. (Yes, I know he didn't have a physical form in the Digital World because of that whole coma thing and I didn't technically 'meet' him in the flesh until we were back in the human world. I'm talking about 'physically met' as in not in a dream or flash from inside Duskmon.)

Kouichi needed me after his Grandma died, he needed his family and we weren't there for him. I wasn't there, I left him alone to face the world on his own. It was my duty as his brother to keep him safe, to protect him from anything. Yet when the time had come, when he was in danger, I didn't- couldn't see him. I didn't rescue him from the darkness, I sent him there. I didn't save him from Duskmon, I created Duskmon. Everything that happened to him in the Digital World, everything he's been through since his Grandmother (our Grandmother, I guess) died has been my fault. I failed. Kouichi knows this as well as I do, but he's deluded himself into thinking he's somehow responsible for everything, into thinking I'm completely blameless. Like I said, he's a really good liar. I guess he just doesn't want to give himself a reason to hate me again, no matter how founded that hatred is. At least he has the excuse of being brainwashed by an evil mastermind, I barely have the defense of not knowing. I knew, even if I wasn't told until that final battle. Not knowing and not being told isn't the same thing. All the clues, all the hints and gut instincts, it's really amazing I wasn't able to put the pieces together sooner. Guess I'm just thick like that. That's no defense either; I knew as well as he did we were brothers trying to kill each other. I sensed he was my brother and I still fought him, still intended to hurt him. The fact that I caused my twin so much pain it drove him to a type of insanity is one thing. Fighting him in earnest, knowingly hurting him on top of that is another.

So that's it, my big secret. I can't tell Takuya because empathy and suffering are two things the goggle-head isn't good at. He wouldn't understand. I can't tell Dad, or Mom or Kouichi's and my mother, they wouldn't believe me. Then there's Kouichi... If he could, he would take my memories of Duskmon as it is. Imagine what he'd do if he knew about all this. So I keep quiet. I sit on this guilt, keeping it deep inside of me. I try to forget about my responsibility, my failure, his agony. I try and ignore the self-loathing. But, like I said before, it's not my nature to keep secrets. I have to tell someone, before I burst and sill over in front of Kouichi. Because I hate myself for making him hate me, and that's not a burden he needs on his shoulders. Goodness knows he has enough of those.


End file.
